Ladies! The biggest day of the year is coming up. Don't let another
year of a flower-free desk or chocolate-less, barren, empty life make
you miserable. If you don't get a ring, a date, a kiss or even a hello
come this 14th, you could be one step away from suicide. Or worse, a
Marie Callender's cheesecake!
It's imperative that you line up something special NOW so you don't
look lonely to your friends, family and co-workers. You don't want
people feeling sorry for you. Especially your therapist. Especially
after he turned you down.
Look on the bright side: there's men at work. No, not the band Men At
Work, but actual men at your place of work whom you've probably
overlooked, pined for, ignored, or had awkward one night stands with.
These are men who you can rekindle that passion with for one special
Valentines night... and maybe a lifetime of uncomfortableness. But
probably just for one night.
Are you unsure of whom your special someone in accounting might be?
Looking for that knight in shining copy toner? Here's a survey that
just might help you out! Pass this out at work to anyone who is a
possible Valentine, dating, or life partner candidate (you can even
tell them which category they fit in as you hand them this survey.)
Have them fill out the form and hand it back to you.
Voila! You are on your way to attracting the cubicle-mate of your
dreams and being fulfilled as a woman! Happy hunting! And Happy
Valentines Day, Miss Cupid!
WORKPLACE DATING SURVEY
I hereby decree that I ____________________ have been a suitor, beau,
lover, cubicle mate or all around good guy to ________________. I also
hereby swear that I have not impregnated her (cross this out if
necessary) or any other woman during the time of our
relationship/tryst/working relationship. I also note that I am of
sound mind and body or as good as it's going to get anyway, and I am
fully capable of answering this questionnaire.
Signed,
_____________________________
PLEASE CHECK ONE:
1) I care for ___________ so much as a friend that it pains me to
think that us having sex may ruin our close bond. I need time to
figure out what to do.
2) I used to think of __________ as just another gal, but she's kind
of growing on me.
3) I am not interested in _________ as a friend or a fuck. I don't
know where she got that idea and I wish she'd leave me alone before I
get a restraining order.
4) I think _________ is cool. Yeah, man. She's definitely great for a
lay or a laugh. But I don't think it will go past that because I am
too self absorbed and slick for my own good.
5) My girlfriend is pressuring me to get engaged but I don't want to
give up having sex with _________ on the side. I'm going to keep
doing both and see how this plays out.
6) I really do like __________. I think I'm falling for her. But my
a) emotional immaturity
b) job/career
c) ego
d) buddies
keeps me from taking the next step.
7) I have had a crush on _________ for some time but her fast-lane
lifestyle scares me a bit. She could have any guy she wants. Why would
she want to fuck me? Not that I want to fuck her. I mean, I do. But
it's more than that. I want to love her too. Behind all that mascara
and sack-lunch meth, I bet she breaks just like a little girl. I want
to spoon her in my Papasan and tell her it's going to be all right.
8) Supply room closet. But never in public.
9) Honey, for the thousandth time. I'm GAY!
10) Who?
Follow Ali MacLean on Twitter:
www.twitter.com/aliontheair [1]
View post:
Ali MacLean: Stupid Cupid - A Workplace Dating Survey
Links:
------
[1] http://www.twitter.com/aliontheair
http://www.textileglobal.com/2012/01/ali-maclean-stupid-cupid-a-workplace-dating-survey.html
________________________________________________________
You have subscribed to these e-mail notices about new posts to the blog.
If you want to change your settings or unsubscribe, please visit:
?code=32d76605516c3df7bc6dfc008bab47bd&addr=jihsin.news%40blogger.com&
0 意見:
Post a Comment